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Please stop with the fucking eVALUate spam

An open letter to the University of Tasmania

To my darling UTas,

I’ll be blunt.

My student email is currently taking more hits than Syria.

I’m begging you to stop this onslaught. The more emails you send the less inclined I am to complete this poxy survey.

If you really want students to complete the survey en masse may I offer a suggestion:

Before reading this make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position and that your seat belt is correctly fastened. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, innovation doesn’t get much better than this!

Paper.

In Week 12 or 13, take ten minutes of lecture time and get the students to each fill out their unit evaluations in hard copy.

For confidentiality, no name or Student ID is attributed to responses.

Furthermore, with a greater number of students completing the questionnaire you will inevitably generate a more accurate appraisal of the unit.

As it stands, all eVALUate achieves is eliciting responses from two polar extremes. Lovers of all things stochastic systems and processes, and those who wish upon it the same fate as Jimi Hendrix. Wound up dead after choking on its own vomit.

Finally, let me take a moment to directly address the cult of trigger-happy martyrs who preside under the mysterious pseudonym of ‘The Survey Team’.

Put the mouse away. You’ve inflicted enough suffering.

Take the route of peace and compassion. Grab a coffee, clear your head, hug your mother tight.

And one last thing, stop with the fucking eVALUate spam.

Yours truly,

Cameron Allen

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